Ugh

Ugh.

First class of the year and I’m already tired of it? Great attitude, Carson. I sat, legs stretched out as far as they could go, inside Professor Schmitt’s classroom: College Hall Room 133. It was quite possibly the tiniest classroom I’ve ever sat in. The width between the rows were extremely narrow and overall, a pain. As the subject itself goes, it’s not much better than the space it is confined to. Communication 100 is the class, which is required for every student.

I figured I could try to look on the bright side, and it seemed like I concluded that the professor seemed pretty nice. In fact, he was extremely nice, but the subject… I hate it. I could have Betty White teaching Communications 100 and I’d probably still hate it. To add to the wound, the only things note worthy for grading are four or five speeches. Wow! I’m not excited!

Next up, history. In a building with air conditioning nonetheless. Truly the first time that the lord has blessed me with something fantastic at this Jesuit Institution. I usually like history, but the way the teacher goes about class, I got the impression that she would be making this class harder than need be. But with that being said, I’m kind of looking forward to the class. The midterm and final, not so much. But everything else might be fine in Coughlin 104. There is one girl, though, that might be a problem. My first impression is that she’s one of those people that during discussions, she won’t let anybody talk.

Fuck. She’s not going to shut up. That was me today, but I can guarantee that that will not be the last time saying that this term. Hopefully tomorrow is better.

Ugh. I miss my friends, family, and dogs. A lot.

Night Before the First Day

My first day of class is tomorrow. A crowd is forming outside my door as the room adjacent to mine is filling up. My roommate won’t be quiet; in fact, he’s quite annoying. He said that he was going to bed at about 10:00–it’s now about midnight. Maybe he thought that I didn’t need to sleep before my Communications class at 9:25 AM. Speaking of that, I’m not looking forward to it. Public speaking isn’t really my forte. I’ve heard it’s easy, but even still, my anxiety and constantly worried attitude beats me up over it.

My roommate just fell asleep. Amazing,

I’m kind of stuck between a rock and a hard place when it comes to my social situation right now. There’s people that I could see myself being friends with, but I’m not necessarily interested in partying every night. But I don’t want to be friends with people that don’t do anything. It also comes down to grades. I feel that if I party a bunch, my grades would decline. BUT… I don’t want to do nothing besides study all day. Tough situation, isn’t it?

Wish me luck tomorrow. And the whole week. And pretty much the whole year; I think I’ll be needing all that I can get.

College

11:02 on a Sunday night; I’m laying stretched out across my bed, gazing out my dorm window onto busy Hamilton Street. Newly released Frank Ocean is drowning out the loud, annoying kids in the hall. Would I rather be out doing something? For sure. But just not with them–that’s the thing. The type of people that are partying in my dorm aren’t people I wan’t to do things with. If I’m being honest, I don’t like to party that much. It’s fun if I know everybody and we’re all friends, but going to another dorm and partying isn’t my scene.

This makes me worried. They say that’s the college experience, and after this first weekend, it’s safe to say that I’m missing out. At the moment, I’m pretty depressed. Having little to no friends is just an addition to the fact that I’ve cried more in the past weekend than I have in the past few years combined. When my parents left, I couldn’t stop crying. Thinking about it, writing about it–it makes my eyes watery. I miss my family. I miss my friends. Damn. I miss my dogs so much.

On the bright side, which I’ve been struggling to find this weekend, I made a friend. His name’s Gary and he’s from Lake Tahoe. I think. We met on the basketball court because we were the only two people in the gym at 9:30 AM on a Sunday morning. He was really nice, and it turns out that we live about 5 doors down from each other. That’s pretty much the only thing that was good this past weekend.

It’s 11:29 now–Hamilton has lost a great amount of traffic. I’m praying tomorrow is better than today. Optimism is key right now.

Change

Woah. Summer is coming to an end, and in addition to that, I’m actually writing things. Both shocking at this point. And no, I don’t mean writing tweets that I think to be funny, but actually writing. Using correct punctuation (I hope) and all that just to ease my anxiety over the fact that I might not be good enough for English 102.

Speaking of that, college is approaching–in five days to be exact–and I’m not as scared as I figured I’d be. I’m ready for school, but I’m not ready to leave those that have been around me for most of my life. Friends from elementary school and friends I just made this past summer; I’ll miss them all. The worst part is, I regret not saying things to certain people. But they’re gone now. Out of my life until next summer, and do you know how much can change in one year?

A lot.

The thing is, I don’t want them to change. It’s going to happen, though. What can I say? I’m going to change too. It’s one of those things I can’t stop from happening. Thinking about how different my situation might be on August 19th, 2018 makes me upset. I’m not necessarily looking forward to the future since the past was so great. I didn’t want it to end, but I’ve reached the last few days.

Everybody is going separate ways. Portland to Spokane for me. Portland to Ohio for Luis. Portland to Denver for Mike. Portland to Corvallis for most. I’ll miss them.

 

Who Am I Writing For?

Throughout this past month, I’ve been thinking of reasons as to why I write. Not just this blog, but in general. In my writing class, who do I write my papers for? Do I do it for myself? Or maybe I do it to impress people–my teacher and peers specifically. I guess I would be lying if I said that I didn’t want to impress people with my writing abilities (or general lack of), but nonetheless, I was stuck asking myself these questions.

If I pick a topic that my teacher isn’t fond of, do I change it? I want a good grade because, well, that’s kind of the point of school. But then I wouldn’t be writing what I wanted, thus taking away my interest in the subject. And everybody knows that if you’re invested into the paper it’ll turn out better. This was evident in the last paper I turned it. My teacher persuaded me into taking my paper a certain route; it was a route that I had no intention of taking initially. It wasn’t a bad idea, but I had no interest in it. Still, I discussed it. I wasn’t willing to disobey my teacher in a sense.

But I should’ve.

I got an 89 on the paper, which I know isn’t bad, but I expected higher. It made me realize that I need to stop writing for other people and instead, write for myself. Express my own feelings and opinions–nobody else’s. But here’s the thing; I wasn’t even going to write this blog entry if it wasn’t for my friend Casey reminding me. She said she was disappointed that I haven’t posted something in a while, so that leads me to another point.

Am I still writing for other people? I believe so. I think anybody writing is doing it to please other people. Maybe pleasing other people is a rewarding yourself for the hard work you’ve put into the writing, but at the core, you’re still doing it to satisfy other people. It’s a circle that you go in, but it always starts with who’s reading it. I guess you’d only truly be writing for yourself if you have nobody reading what you write. My intentions for this blog were to act as a journal, where it would be for me, myself, and I. I didn’t expect anybody to read it, and that would just satisfy me. But now, I feel the need to please my followers and anybody else that might read this. So yes, I am still writing for other people. And as I go further into my writing career if you will, I’ll write for more and more people, not just myself.

So I guess this post is for you, Casey. You’re the person that I hoped would enjoy this extremely cheesy and pretty pointless post the most out of anybody.

Danger! – Looking Down

Waves crash up against the sharp, jagged rocks below. The blue ocean stretches for thousands of miles, but the fall to it below is far less. The ledge which George is standing on, similar to a wooden plank on a pirate ship, sticks out of the viewpoint that overlooks a pit that would swallow anybody up without hesitation. Danger lurked over George’s shoulder; one slip of the foot would lead from danger to death.DSC_0153

Danger!

 

Travis Scott Live

A few weeks ago–April 19th to be specific–I went to Travis Scott’s Bird’s Eye View Tour with three friends. I’ve been a huge Travis Scott fan since he released Owl Pharaoh and I was aware of the energy he brings to concert. In the days leading up to the concert, I was online constantly watching videos of him performing live. Afterwards, I knew what to expect: mosh pits, bright lights, and overall, an ongoing party.

I got just that and then some.

Honestly, this was one of the craziest and most exciting nights of my life. I knew it’d be good, but I didn’t know it’d be that good. I’ll summarize the night as it went for me.

We wait in line. That’s nothing new if you’ve ever been to a concert; it’s standard procedure.

Next, we go inside and buy merchandise. I just bought one shirt because I wasn’t looking to spend a whole lot, but that being said, the tour shirts were nice.

Once we’re inside, I’d say we waited for about 45 minutes to an hour. After that, Travis’s DJ came on to open and just play some songs. It was hype for maybe 20 minutes, but he stayed on for an hour. Definitely overstayed his welcome.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, Travis came on. It was electrifying. Once he stepped on stage, the mood shifted in a matter of seconds. Mosh pits formed within minutes. People were bouncing everywhere. Utter insanity.

He went through a great setlist which included the likes of Uber Everywhere, Antidote, 3500, goosebumps, pick up the phone, and there was even an unexpected guest.

Drake. Yes. I said Drake.

Overall, the concert was great. I’d highly recommend that you snag a ticket if he hasn’t came to your city yet. IMG_9431IMG_9387