My Strange Interaction with a Homeless Man

Saturday night in Downtown Portland. It’s a lot more traffic at night than one would expect, so it took my friends and I longer to drive there than we’d thought. Regardless of how late we were on our imaginary schedule, Voodoo Donuts would still be open.

My friend parked his clunky, raised Jeep in Chinatown across the street. When we walked into the bright pink donut shop, there wasn’t a line, which even at midnight was unusual. While at the counter, their day old donut bucket caught my eye in the back and I had to have it. You and your friends can’t eat like, what, 30 donuts? Yeah, I knew we couldn’t. But who cares.

The cashier with extremely large gages in his ears hands me the bucket and we walk outside. For a late night in autumn, the weather was nice enough for us to sit outside. I look left to the hentai theatre, which I had no interest in, and then I look right to the group of homeless men. I’m not trying to make eye contact since I was pretty sure they’d ask for money. I mean, they did see me cash out on a massive bucket of donuts, so eye contact wasn’t even needed for them to come over and panhandle.

“Hey, any of y’all got a dollar?” the man asks to a general group of people.

Blank faces look at each other. His blank face? Looking at mine.

“Uh, nah. Sorry man,” I barely mumble.

Nah, sorry man,” he says sarcastically.

What the hell? Did I just get mocked by a homeless ma–

His fist strikes my left bicep. I’m stunned. My face stares down at my donut that resembles a shape of a penis (seriously). First, I was mocked by a homeless man who then hit me.

As he walked off, I could tell he was upset–even mad. I didn’t know what to make of the situation because I was still kind of shocked that he punched me in the arm.

* * *

Why does this matter? It doesn’t–like at all. I was just scrolling through my camera roll though and I saw a picture of the donut bucket and this strange situation popped into my head. I figured that I might never get punched by a homeless man again, let alone while eating a donut called “Cock & Balls”.


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